Our Lack of Self-Love is rarely revealed to those around us.

I’ve been thinking about all the recent celebrity suicides and how everyone said they were shocked because they seemed to have everything when I remembered a comment an interviewer made when we were discussing my book, The Heart of the Matter and self-love. She said she did not like being around people who didn’t love themselves. They seemed very toxic.  The conversation moved quickly into bullying and other issues.  I really wish now I had stopped at that moment and replied differently.

It is very easy to point at people who bully or play the constant victim and declare that they lack in self-love.  However, I want to make it clear that they are not the only ones grappling with issues around self-love. They are just the ones easy to spot.  Most people lack self-love in some form or fashion. I have yet to meet anyone who cannot expand in self-love and its many flavors.

We have all learned early on how to masks our insecurities and uncertainties.  We are much more comfortable presenting a rosy image rather than ever admit that when we are alone with our thoughts and feelings we often doubt ourselves and wonder: Were we somehow made wrong or different than others; has the universe forgotten about us or perhaps just loves others more; will we ever be or feel good enough? Who has never for even one moment just wished that somehow you could be someone else?

I doubt I gave off signals that I lacked in self-love except perhaps to a few that I shared my feelings with back in the day. I was never suicidal nor was I depressed but I did have negative feelings and doubts. Back then I thought somehow I was unique in my self-doubts. However now I know I am not unique at all. In fact, I am fairly typical.  I know many people pleasers, nice people, funny people, kind people, successful people, and wealthy people that all lack of self-love to varying degrees just as I did.

They also all have one thing in common. They are always looking outside of themselves for proof of their worth, their value and that their love, as well as who they are, is good enough.  They seek to receive love from other people to make themselves feel better never understanding the fundamental truth that you cannot let into your heart what you do not believe in your heart to be true. In other words, what you cannot give to yourself, you will not be able to receive from others fully.

I think we all are reminded this past week of how you can never judge a book by its cover no matter how shiny it may appear. Let this be a wake-up call to make your well being a priority. And make the first step toward your well being to love yourself.

• Learn how to give love to yourself.
• Learn how to self-nurture and self-heal
• Learn how to self-accept and self-appreciate
• Learn how to have self-compassion, self- forgiveness, and self-gratitude

Transform from the inside out so the cover you present the world will truly reflect the truth and beauty that is you. I can tell you from personal experience that it is well worth your time and energy to do so.

Love can transform anything. It is time to start offering some to your SELF 

Until next time be the light the world needs and stay in love for all.

Joffre McClung is the author of two books The Heart of the Matter: A Workbook and Guide to Finding Your Way Back to Self-Love and *How Learning to Say Goodbye Taught Me How to Live.    You can catch her video series on Self-love on her YouTube channel.